


sometimes your heart will ache but that doesn't mean you're weak

by tentacleboye



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aromantic Kageyama Tobio, Asexual Kageyama Tobio, Multi, kags and tsukki become bros, onesided kagehina, please prepare tissues beforehand just in case
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-30
Updated: 2015-11-30
Packaged: 2018-05-04 04:27:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5320418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tentacleboye/pseuds/tentacleboye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Kageyama wakes up he finds tears on his pillow.</p>
            </blockquote>





	sometimes your heart will ache but that doesn't mean you're weak

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is a gift dedicated to 'hinayachi' on tumblr, since she's actually the reason I started shipping hinayachi. Of course, kagehina is still my otp and ace aro kags is my biggest haikyuu headcanon, so that's thrown into the mix as well. 
> 
> I think this fic might make people cry.
> 
> (Update: what the hell, I see grammar mistakes that I have no motivation to correct.)

Kageyama saw this coming.

That day, the three of them– him and Hinata and Yachi– were eating lunch together. It was just after their tests, so Yachi didn't need to tutor anyone, at least for the time being. The sky was sapphire, like those tiny stars on the headband that the girl always wears. The sun hid behind white cotton candy clouds, and gentle winds waved themselves through the trees. Leaves fell like gentle snow.

Hinata had called the three of them together for extra volleyball practice, with Yachi guarding their lunchboxes, Kageyama tossing and Hinata spiking. When half of lunch period was gone, Yachi called out to them and the three of them sat down for lunch, in the same order as always– Kageyama, Hinata, Yachi.

Lunch was a fairly low-key event, with Hinata mostly talking about aimless things, Yachi piping up every now and then and Kageyama listening. He was just thinking,  _Hinata is better suited to be with Yachi than with me_ , a passing thought, really, when it happened.

Yachi commented absently, "Some girls in my class are jealous of me, because I spend so much time with you."

She must have been addressing the both of them, Kageyama knew, because he overhears the conversation of girls sometimes when they walk past him. Of course, Hinata, being Hinata, doesn't have a filter and whatever his thoughts are usually end up being said aloud.

"That's okay, because I like you, so you don't have to worry!"

The last octopus wiener dropped from Yachi's chopsticks, made a little bounce when it hit her leg and rolled to a stop a feet away from Hinata's dirty white shoes.

Kageyama knows silence better than people gives him credit for, so he knew the exact moment when Hinata realised what he just said and the silence became terrifyingly awkward.

"I– I have to go!" Yachi scrambled up from where she was seating, face red, lunchbox in hand almost falling apart as she fumbles with it.

"Wait!" Hinata shouted, face equally red, but the girl was already gone. Kageyama tried his best not to sigh, yet the exasperated sound still escaped.

So near the end of lunchtime period found Hinata staring at the dropped octopus wiener forlornly, slouching against Kageyama's sweaty left arm. "Kageyamaaaaaa–" he groaned, "What do I dooooooo–"

Kageyama wanted to hold the poor boy in a tight hug and say  _Whatever, forget her, stay with me_ , but that was neither helpful towards the current situation nor towards his friendship with Yachi. Besides, he actually like the girl very much, and in his opinion she definitely deserved Hinata.

So Kageyama said, "You should ask her out properly, after volleyball practice."  _Because volleyball comes first._

Hinata perked up, "You'll help me, right?"

And to be honest, Kageyama has a terribly weak resistance to Hinata's infectious excitement, thus he found himself agreeing to the ginger's demand readily.

To Hinata's immense disappointment, the blond girl was nowhere to be seen when practice rolled around, and the change in mood showed in his spikes.

"Put more heart into your spikes!" Kageyama shouted, "You wanna go to nationals with me, right?!" As the words left his mouth, he realised with horror that if Hinata starts dating, his volleyball career might possibly be over, since Yachi might become a higher priority than volleyball.

However, to his relief, Hinata shouted back, "Yeah, I wanna go nationals with you! Toss to me again!"

The feeling of the ball leaving his palms to form a perfect trajectory through the air filled Kageyama, and at the satisfying sound of an impeccable spike he found himself pretending, just for a fleeting moment, that Hinata would be with him forever, and they would win tournaments after tournaments after tournaments.

But Hinata cheered, and the spell was broken. "That's more like it," Kageyama told him, and they practised a hundred times more.

Really, Kageyama saw this coming. Hinata is an attractive individual, what with his unwavering energy and captivating smiles. Yachi, too, is cute and petite, the type of girl that can melt even the coldest hearts. He knew they would be together someday, and he knew, too, that one day he would be left behind, blinded by their brilliance.

This is why Kageyama pledged, deep down in his heart where no one would ever find out, that for the sake of these two's happiness he will do whatever he can for them.

 

\----

 

The next day during lunch Kageyama secured an isolated place in the school, behind the shed holding sports equipments, while Hinata dragged Yachi there, running all the way from the classroom. Kageyama stood guard in front of the place, glaring at any potential couple that might be planning to make use of it. Sipping his milk carton quietly, he thought about his two friends.

There was a cry of delight, then giggles, then laughter, and suddenly a pair of hands wormed themselves around his waist.

"Thanks a lot, Kageyama! I couldn't have asked Yachi out without your help," Hinata laughed, and Kageyama replied with a huff, "Don't hug me, go hug your girlfriend."

On the way back he walked behind them, the new couple gladly hand in hand, and thought,  _I promised you, didn't I? I told you that as long as I'm here, you're invincible._

After school, he walked with them to the volleyball court for practice. Throwing open the door, Hinata announced with a blushing Yachi in tow, "We're dating!"

Nishinoya and Tanaka were the first to react, as expected.

"Wooo, congrats!"

"Not bad, Shouyou!"

As the rest of the members started to crowd around, Kageyama headed to the changing room quietly. He's happy for them, he really is, but volleyball practice should be starting soon, so he shouldn't waste time there when he'd already congratulated them during lunch.

"Where's your queen now, king?" Kageyama didn't have to turn around to know who it was.

"Leave me alone," he sighed, irritated.

Tsukishima smiled coldly, "I thought for sure you two were together. What happened?" He took a step closer, "Oh my, I know, your dear Hinata doesn't love you like you love him!"

Kageyama glared right back, "Shut up, you don't know what you're talking about. Besides, if I remember correctly, Yamaguchi seems really shaken up by the news just now." Tsukishima narrowed his eyes, "What are you getting at?"

"I'm saying that your love interest seems awfully invested in a certain manager of ours," the taunt rolled smoothly off Kageyama's lips, and he watched, satisfied, as Tsukishima stalked off to his locker, frowning, "It's just a stupid crush of his. It'll pass."  _Seems like I just hit a nerve._

Sometime ago, Tsukishima seemed to have picked up on his feelings for the ginger, and while 'in love' wasn't exactly what he had in mind, the blond was rather close with that guess. In return, Kageyama had scrutinised him closely, and found out that the infuriating guy has a soft spot for Yamaguchi, even going so far as to lend him the earphones off-limits to anyone else, including Sugawara.

Either way their exchange died there, because Hinata came bouncing in with a frowning Yamaguchi tailing behind. Tsukishima immediately took his place beside his best friend while Kageyama idly watched Hinata's bright smile.

"Toss to me today too!" Hinata grinned, and it took all of Kageyama's willpower to hold back the soft smile threatening to appear on his face.

"Of course," he scoffed instead.

 

\----

 

Second year came around soon enough, after the graduation of the third-years that left even Tsukishima sniffling a little. Before he realised it, Yachi's birthday was already arriving.

He's not good with birthdays, but one Saturday morning he woke up to a phone call.

"Kageyama what should I do it's going to be Yachi's birthday soon what do I get her should I–"

_First thing in the morning, and I'm faced with this._

"Calm down, dumbass," he rubbed a bleary eye, "What do you want to do?"

"I don't know!" A pathetic wail reached his ears. The urge to throw his phone against the wall and go back to sleep is almost overwhelming.

"Look," Kageyama said, "I'm sure you know her better than me. But I think she likes flowers; she made a flower crown for me once."

"Ehh?! I'm so jealous! Are you trying to steal my girlfriend away?"

 _More like I want to steal the boyfriend,_ Kageyama mused. It sure was a surprise when the girl went up to him with the flower crown, though.

" _Kageyama," Yachi called out to him one day, the two of them under the shade of trees, watching Hinata play some kind of game with his classmates._

_He turned to her with a hum and noticed that she held a chain of wild flowers in her hands, the types that are commonly seen growing on school grounds._

" _Tsukishima told me about why he always call you 'King' when I asked," she stated and he couldn't help but glance away, a little ashamed. She continued, "That's why I've decided to give you a new title! From now on, you'll be the King of flowers instead!"_

_A little bashfully Yachi placed the flower crown on top of his head and Kageyama catches the faint aroma of nature. His face must've betrayed his astonishment, because the girl added hastily, "I– I hope I'm not overstepping any boundaries! But I thought you might feel better with this, I'm sorry!"_

_Kageyama reached up to touch the crown. "Don't be," he told her, "Thank you."_

_The petals felt delicate between his fingers, and Yachi's bright smile etched itself deeply into his mind, beside countless of Hinata's ones._

_Kageyama knew then that there was not a single bit of doubt in his heart; it had already been decided by fate, that Hinata and Yachi belonged with each other, and Kageyama didn't lose to her because there was never a competition in the first place._

"–Kageyama? Are you listening?"

"Uh, yeah," said boy lied.

"No you weren't. I asked what type of flowers I should get her."

"Sunflowers," Kageyama said automatically, "It's a very  _you_ gift, she'll like it."

Hinata didn't ask why, and thanked him profusely instead. Relief coursed through Kageyama's veins. If Hinata were to question him _,_ how would he have replied?

_(Because sunflowers turn towards the sun, like the way I can't seem to turn away from you, no matter how hard I try.)_

Hinata presented the bouquet of sunflowers to Yachi a few days later, before volleyball practice, since the girl was busy during lunch and couldn't meet up. The gesture saw Yachi's eyes clouding up with happiness, cradling the bouquet gently in her arms. Hinata kissed the tears away.

"How romantic," Ennoshita commented, with a few of the first years murmuring in agreement.

It surprised Kageyama, though, when Hinata came up to him and gave him a single stalk of sunflower.

"Here's a thanks to you," he said.

Kageyama accepted the flower silently, moved by the gesture. He ignored the look Tsukishima threw at him, but he could not ignore the soft comment, delivered without malice (" _Guess your Queen still remembers you, huh?"_ ), because that was the exact thought he had in mind then.

 

\----

 

Another graduation came and went, and suddenly they were third years. Hinata became the captain, while Kageyama was chosen as the vice-captain. Karasuno was no longer known as the flightless crows.

Hinata and Yachi were still dating.

Around the beginning of the school term, there was a rumour among the first-years, about the time the sunshine couple had their first huge argument. It was over some petty thing that Kageyama couldn't remember, but the two refused to talk to each other for three days.

In those three days Hinata stuck much closer to Kageyama, while Yamaguchi took to either sending worried glances or glaring at the ginger. It seemed like he still has that crush on Yachi even after two years.

Tsukishima told Kageyama on the third day, "Get those two together again, Tadashi hasn't been paying attention to me lately."

Kageyama had shot back a  _whatever, like hell I care_ , but he still cajoled Hinata into apologising, and then Yachi apologised too, and the boy had to be excused from practice for a while due to all the tears.

Hinata had hugged Yachi gently, whispering something into her ear that made her cry harder, but there was a smile on both their faces so Kageyama thought it was alright. Then the boy returned to practice, but not before trapping Kageyama in a tight squeeze, mumbling  _thank you Kageyama_  into his shirt.

That must be why the rumour started. Kageyama didn't know who came up with it, but one day second-year Kyoya told him that apparently the captain was ' _cheating on his girlfriend with the vice-captain, whom he loves but cannot date openly_ '.

The next volleyball practice Kageyama addressed the first-years sternly when Hinata was out of earshot, "I don't know who started this absurd rumour, and I don't want to know, but there is nothing romantic going on between your captain and I. Do I make that clear?"

Tsukishima's gaze caught his above the crowd of scared faces nodding jerkily, and it seemed to say,  _do you believe that yourself?_

He does; his feelings are not  _romantic_  ones, so it was not a lie.

 

\----

 

Kageyama hung out with Hinata and Yachi during the holidays while waiting for their results. It had been some time since they last went out like this; it seemed as though preparing for finals ate up all the free time.

When asking about their goals, Kageyama found out that the three of them were aiming for the same university (strong in both sports science and the arts, since Yachi wanted to become a graphic designer just like her mother).

He found the knowledge comforting; Hinata would still be with him, and the three of them can still be close friends.

Becoming a volleyball coach became Hinata's ambition, and he wants to work with middle-school kids. Kageyama decided that he would go into the same line of industry. After all, he still wants to play volleyball too.

Tsukishima and Yamaguchi would be going to a better university, with Yamaguchi in the medical field and Tsukishima aiming to be an archaeologist. It seemed to Kageyama that they've already decided on living in the dorms and being roommates.

" _I'll wait for him," Tsukishima mumbled, hands in his pockets._  Kageyama had grown closer to the middle blocker over the course of three years, bonding over a mutual knowledge of each other's deepest secrets. Neither of them are talkative, but they can both be attentive listeners, and will confide in each other when the need arises, though Tsukishima more so than Kageyama.

(Kageyama knew this is because he isn't prepared, isn't  _willing_  to ever let Yamaguchi go.)

The results came out after weeks of nervous anticipation and all five of them go to their desired universities. Kageyama moved out and rented his own apartment, somewhere between the two institutes. Hinata stayed in the dorms, rooming with the giant Haiba Lev from Nekomata. Yachi continued living with her mother.

During their first volleyball practice, Hinata and Kageyama pulled off the freak quick– now polished to perfection– and left everyone else on the team mind blown. When Hinata slapped the setter's back and explained with a grin, "It's all thanks to Kageyama! I won't be here without him," he wanted to say that  _no, dumbass, you're the amazing one._

Yachi came to watch their practises when she was free. People were surprised to find out that Hinata had been dating her since they were fifteen years old, but Kageyama doesn't think it is such a big deal.  _They were meant for each other, after all._

There was a period of time when he was worried that things were not working out well, because Hinata hadn't been going on dates with Yachi lately. The worry went away when he saw them hand in hand, walking down the street under the soft snowy sky, as he sipped hot cocoa at the window seat of some discreet coffee shop. They had grins on their faces just like the sun, and Kageyama could spot a little spring in Hinata's steps.

 _Some things never change_ , he realised and was comforted by the thought. As long as they are smiling, he would be fine.

He is happy for them, really.

 

\----

 

It was nine-thirty at night when Tsukishima called him one Friday, a few days after that snowy night.

"Oi, king, let me stay at your place tonight," he demanded, slurring over the words a little.

"Tsukishima, are you drunk?"

"Like hell." Before Kageyama could ask, he continued, "I'm at a party. Tadashi said he wanted to bring a girl back to the dorm for the night. He asked me if I have a place I could crash."

"What did you tell him?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Tsukishima bit out bitterly, and Kageyama replied, already out of the apartment, "Give me the address– I'll be there soon."

He flagged down a taxi and arrived in ten minutes. "About time," Tsukishima grumbled, stumbling into the car with a kind of weariness Kageyama had never seen in his gait before.

They arrived at the apartment just before Tsukishima could fall into an alcohol-induced coma, and Kageyama helped him up the stairs silently, then through the doorway.

He handed Tsukishima a cup of water, who downed it in a few huge gulps.

"We'll share the bed," Kageyama told the blond man.

"What the hell, no. Give me the couch, I'll be fine."

"My heater's currently broken, so I suggest you get under the covers before I leave you to freeze in the cold."

Tsukishima glared at him, but complied. With a small sigh Kageyama climbed into the bed as well. They stayed back to back with each other.

It could have been the alcohol speaking, because Tsukishima started a conversation the two would definitely not have under normal conditions, "Don't you ever get jealous seeing the shrimp with someone else?"

"... Yachi and Hinata compliment each other well."

"Oi, that's not what I asked."

Kageyama was silent for a moment, then he spoke, "To be honest, I don't know. I just want to stay with him for as long as possible, really."

Surprise was evident in Tsukishima's voice, "Nothing more than that? Even I can tell that the shrimp is rather blessed in the genetics department, except that height of his."

"I really don't know. Maybe a hug?"

"You're either a freak or a liar."

"I'm serious, you ass."

"... A freak, then."

Kageyama sighed harshly, "I don't need anything  _physical_  from Hinata. Anyways, if it makes him happy, I'm alright not being the one by his side."

He didn't get a reply for a few minutes, and thought that Tsukishima must have fallen asleep, until the other whispered, "It's pathetic, isn't it? Watching me like this, too hung up to let go… If only I could be stupidly selfless like you are…"

Kageyama didn't know what to say to that, so he let the man trail off into silence as he thought about his next words. A terrible idea crossed his mind.

"... Turn around and hug me."

"What."

"Pretend I'm Yamaguchi, we don't have to talk about this in the morning. I know our builds aren't the same–"

"Wait, king, I don't–"

Kageyama swallowed his embarrassment and finished the damned sentence, "It's not much, but I hope it helps."

Long and painful seconds dragged by while he wondered if he shouldn't have made that offer, but then the bed creaked and two long arms snaked around his abdomen.  _It's warm_ , he noted.

"This is so pathetic," Tsukishima grumbled, head buried in his nape, but he didn't let go even as Kageyama snorted at the absurd situation they were in.

It was a long time before Kageyama could fall asleep, too absorbed in his own thoughts, and he pretended he couldn't hear the soft murmurs of  _Tadashi_  coming from the other man.

 

\----

 

When Kageyama woke up, he found Tsukishima in the kitchen cooking breakfast.

"It's for you, Tadashi would have a fit if he knew you ate nutrition-less junk everyday," the blond explained, "I got a text from him. He said that he didn't go through with it. Seemed too insincere, and they were both drunk. Also something about preventing possible infection."

Kageyama slumped against the counter, sipping coffee from his mug, half-attentive as the man continued, "I'll be going once I'm done with this. Tadashi is apologising too much; it makes me annoyed."

He saw Tsukishima to the door, and caught something sounding suspiciously like  _thanks_  from the other.

"Anytime," he replied, and that's that.

 

\----

 

Kageyama dreams sometimes.

The same dream, where he finds an all-too familiar man in his arms, light streaming through the windowpanes. The man brushes away orange bangs blearily and smiles.

" _Good morning, Shouyou,"_  Kageyama smiles back.

They have breakfast together, and Hinata is loud as always, talking about volleyball and Yachi and the kids he's coaching now. Kageyama listens, throws in a word sometimes.

Then they leave for work. " _See you later, Tobio,_ " Hinata gives him a hug, and Kageyama kisses the ginger's forehead.

Sometimes Yachi is in the dream too, and the three of them are hanging out like always. Hinata holds both their hands, singing some song he doesn't recognise, and Yachi giggles softly, and Kageyama is glad. He intertwines his fingers with Hinata's. The other smiles just a little bit brighter.

When Kageyama wakes up he finds tears on his pillow.

 

\----

 

They were all twenty when Yamaguchi got his first girlfriend.

Tsukishima became more absent from his dorm when nighttime came around.

"Tadashi, I'm going out," Tsukishima would say.

"Okay, Tsukki, take care," Yamaguchi would answer, climbing into his own bed. The blond never told him where he went, and the other never asked.

On those nights Tsukishima would send a text,  _are you free tonight_ , to Kageyama's phone. Kageyama would reply ' _yeah_ '. He always would, without fail.

They'd drink a little and fall asleep in each other's arms, both thinking about the certain  _someone_  in their lives.

When Kageyama drooled on Tsukishima's shirt he would complain until both their ears fell out, but the man never once mentioned the soft ' _Hinata_ ' that slipped out sometimes. Likewise, Kageyama didn't talk about those nights where the man showed up on his doorstep, already way too drunk, and cried himself to sleep with Yamaguchi's name hanging from his lips.

Three weeks later, Yamaguchi broke up with his girlfriend.

 

\----

 

Kageyama and Hinata prepared for their final volleyball tournament, training harder than they've ever done before.

"Let's win this time!" Hinata told the volleyball team. He was once again the captain.

 _This is it, all or nothing_ , Kageyama told himself over and over again.  _The last official match I will play with Hinata_   _on the same court_. They will not mess up.

The day before the tournament Tsukishima sent a text,  _Tadashi and I got together a few days ago_. Kageyama grinned and reply,  _Congratulations._

With that good mood he stepped into the stadium and onto the court, Hinata striding confidently beside him _._  He sees Yachi waving to them from the seats and waves back. Hinata blew a kiss at her.

 _We'll be fine_ , Kageyama thought to himself and took a deep breath,  _we can do this_.

They lost.

At the end of the match they shook hands with the opposite team and Kageyama could tell that Hinata was holding back tears. He wanted to gather the quivering whole of 166cm into his arms hold him tight. A hand reached out, caught in the moment. Before his fingers connected with Hinata's back, the other suddenly rushed forward and into Yachi's open arms, who kissed him fiercely, then pressed her head to his shaking shoulders.

Kageyama withdrew his hand, took in the sight of his two best friends, holding on to each other tightly, tearfully, and realised that they didn't need him anymore. He stepped past them silently, head hanging low.

"Tobio, come here," Yachi called out to him, and he turned back, confused. Hinata shuffled away and made a small space for him. Those eyes, despite the tears, were bright with emotions.

Kageyama understood. He gathered the two of them into his arms, felt the soothing warmth beneath his palms, and cried and cried and cried.

But it was warm, and everything was alright.

 

\----

 

They graduate soon after, and Hinata gathered the five original first-years together to celebrate. The initial awkwardness was easily broken with Hinata around, and all of them fell into comfortable conversations.

"Woah, you two are finally dating now? Congrats!" Hinata told Yamaguchi, who blushed and stuttered out a reply.

Tsukishima muttered, "What do you mean by 'finally'..." but Hinata ignored him and moved on.

"So Hitoka and I are dating, and you two are dating, so that leaves Tobio!" He turned to the man, asking with that stupid, stupidly lovely grin, "When are you going to find someone?"

All eyes were on him now, he could tell that Tsukishima was looking at him, uncannily worriedly.

Kageyama scoffed, "Dating is troublesome."

"Ehhh?! But–"

"How like you, king," Tsukishima raised an eyebrow and Kageyama knew he was trying to help, so he shot back, "Says the one who didn't date until we're going to graduate already."

"Imbecile king."

"Hypocrite."

Yachi cut in with a laugh, "Hey, now, you two get along," and Yamaguchi reprimanded his boyfriend teasingly.

The matter was forgotten, but as Yachi engaged in a new conversation with Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, Hinata leaned over and said, "Seriously though, you must have someone you fancy, right? Go ask em' out, I don't want you to die all alone, it'll make me feel bad for you." Having delivered his message, the ginger returned to the conversation taking place and stole some food off Yachi's plate.

That night, Tsukishima held him quietly and did not say a word, even when Kageyama played with the folds of his shirt, mumbling Hinata's name absently into the silent, silent dark.

 

\----

 

Hinata and Yachi were getting married. Kageyama knew, because he encouraged the ginger to go through with the proposal.

"Take her on a walk in the park, she likes to look at the lake. I'll slip you the ring and a bouquet of sunflowers. But go to the toilet first, god knows how bad your stomachaches can be," Kageyama assured him, "It won't go wrong."

It went perfectly, with the two under the moonlight, Hinata down on one knee.

"Yachi Hitoka, I love you, will you marry me?" Hinata asked, voice soft, and Yachi nodded back, her tears speaking for her. She extended a hand and pulled the man into her arms. He held her dearly, gently, and his eyes shone with adoration. They shared a long and tender kiss under the moonlight, the handsome man and the gorgeous woman.

Kageyama smiled to himself and left the place silently.

 _As long as I'm here, you're invincible,_ he thought and knew it was true.

The wedding needed to be planned, and Hinata came to him for help. So for two months he worked tirelessly with Kenma to plot and plan every small detail of the grand day, in between his job as a volleyball coach.

One day during those two months, Kageyama caught the other staring at him strangely.

"What?" he asked, putting down the files in his hand.

Kenma regarded him quietly, critically, and then he asked with a soft voice, "Are you ever going to tell him?"

 _No doubt about it, this guy read me_.

"... I don't know, maybe."

There was pity in Kenma's eyes, if not just for a moment, and Kageyama sighed.

Two weeks before the wedding, Hinata met up with him for lunch.

"Tobio, would you be my best man?"

"Of course, dumbass."

When Hinata grinned it was like the sun and Kageyama ruffled his hair, ignoring the shout of protests.

"Some things never change, huh?"

"Hm? What did you say?"

"No, it's nothing."

 

\----

 

Kageyama made sure that Hinata didn't eat anything before going out, lest he pukes. Natsu eyed their suits critically, making minute adjustments he was sure no one would notice.

"Big brother, you can do it!" She slapped Hinata's back and he collapsed against Kageyama's side, face pale with anxiety.

"Oh gosh oh gosh oh gosh oh gosh–"

Kageyama supported him to the car, "Calm down! Dumbass, think of it as a volleyball tournament. You're going to a match. You calm down like the good captain you are."

"This is nothing like volleyball!" Hinata wailed into his chest, but at least he stopped hyperventilating.

There were many faces Kageyama recognised at the wedding, and when he laid eyes on Yachi walking down the altar he felt his breath taken away.

The woman was dressed finely, face shrouded in white veil, and her smile was the most brilliant adornment she wore. She looked absolutely  _beautiful_.

Kageyama spared a glance at Hinata and whispered, "Close your mouth, dumbass."

Hinata complied obediently, his eyes never leaving the love of his life.

When Hinata lifted the veil to kiss the bride, Kageyama smiled his biggest smile, clapped his hardest, and tried his best to stop the tears from falling.

He danced with Hinata Hitoka, whose tears of joy still clung to the curve of her cheek, and told her, "Take care of the dumbass, alright? He won't be able to survive on his own, and he needs a beautiful woman who's wiser than him."

She hugged him tightly, "Come visit as often as you want, we'll be delighted to have you." Her eyes were red and he brushed a tear away, when she smiled, "Thank you for all you've done for us, Tobio."

He let her go, and while watching her gracefully stepping towards her new husband, murmured, "No, thank  _you._ "

 

\----

 

Kageyama lasted for three days before he showed up at Tsukishima's new apartment, absolutely wasted.

"Kageyama?" It was Yamaguchi who opened the door.

Frowning at the man, Kageyama asked, "Is Tsukishima here?"

Yamaguchi turned back and hollered, "Kei, it's Kageyama, he's asking for you!"

Vaguely Kageyama heard some commotion in the apartment, then the blond man was behind Yamaguchi, who stepped aside quietly.

Tsukishima took one look at him– haphazardly thrown-on clothes, the smell of alcohol, unfocused eyes– and sighed, spreading his arms.

"Come here, you stupid king."

Kageyama kicked off his shoes and collapsed into the arms of the taller man.

"Kei?"

"Go make some tea for this stupid king, okay?"

"Okay." With that, Yamaguchi left the two alone.

Desperately Kageyama clung onto Tsukishima's shirt, clenched it so tight his fingers threatened to break, and sobbed into his chest.

"Shouyou, Shouyou, Shouyou," he gasped, and shook, and could not stop. Tsukishima stroked his hair soothingly, and the  _thump, thump_  of his heartbeat sounded so very sad to Kageyama's ears, and he cried, and cried, and cried even more.

_Hinata Shouyou, don't leave me behind!_

Then he was moving somewhere, and then he was lying on a bed, still shaking, still weeping, and someone held him close. It was warm, so warm, even though it wasn't Hinata. And for the first time he cried himself to sleep in Tsukishima's embrace, repeating Hinata's name over and over again.

That night, Kageyama dreamt that dream again, the one where he'd wake up to the man he so loves, but a dream is just a dream and he woke up, instead, to a foreign room and a terrible headache.

 

\----

 

"You should tell him," Yamaguchi told Kageyama over breakfast as he swallowed painkillers, and Tsukishima snorted from where he was sitting, fingers still typing on his computer.

Kageyama frowned, "Look, I'm sorry to impose, it won't happen again–"

"Don't lie," Tsukishima cut in.

"– but Shouyou's married to Hitoka now, and I don't see how this information would possibly help their marriage–"

This time it was Yamaguchi who interrupted, "You'll feel better, Kageyama. It'll help  _you_. I took basic psychology in university, and keeping secrets aren't good for your mental health."

"I'll be fine," Kageyama looked at him, the young doctor-in-training biting his lips with doubt, and said, "As long as Shouyou smiles, I'll be fine."

He knew it wasn't healthy, he'll tell Hinata eventually, because secrets have to come into the light someday, but now was not the right time.

Beside, he really is happy for his two best friends.

 

\----

 

Kageyama was twenty-seven when Yachi gave birth to her first child. He rushed to the hospital immediately upon deciphering Hinata's terrible text saying that  _Hitoka's in labour!_  and made it in time to see a nurse handing Yachi the baby.

"Tobio, it's a girl," Hinata breathed, awed.

Kageyama laid a hand on Hinata's shoulder and squeezed gently, "Congratulations on your first child, Hitoka."

"Thank you," Yachi smiled, exhausted, blond hair plastered to her face. She handed the baby to Hinata, who let Kageyama hold her for a while. She had curly blond hair and the eyes of her father.

"Welcome to this world," Kageyama told the baby, and knew immediately that he loves her as much as he does her parents.

 _Family_ , he thought, and was glad.

 

\----

 

Kana grew up curious and healthy, and she just reached the milestone of three years old a few days back. Kageyama and Hinata were walking along the road, talking about the upcoming inter-high games. They coach rival teams now, and Hinata swore that someday he will definitely beat Kageyama, repeating the promise from years ago. Behind the two men, Yachi grasped Kana's hand, knowing that she would run away and explore at any given chance. The Hinata family experienced another scare just last week, during a picnic, when Kana wandered off to follow a stray cat.

"So," Hinata gestured, "I heard there's a good restaurant near the stadium, wanna go there sometimes? We have coupons."

"Hm, sounds interesting," Kageyama answered, thinking.  _When the team wins a match, I might be able to treat them there_.

Yachi rummaged through her purse, "I think I have the coupons somewhere, I'll give you a few…" Some coins dropped by accident, clinking when they hit the floor, and Kageyama was bending down to pick them up when he realised that something was amiss.

_Where's Kana?_

There was a bloodcurdling scream from Yachi, and as Hinata rushed to her side Kageyama saw what she was seeing.

Kana, in the middle of the road, a truck coming straight at her.

Kageyama didn't think, just moved, and he was suddenly there on the road and using his momentum to pull the girl away and his hand had barely let go of her dress when–

–and the world was so terribly cold and he couldn't feel his body anymore. His ears were ringing and someone was in front of him, saying something, but his ears registered no voice–

–then he was facing a white ceiling, surrounded by people, and he was vaguely aware of someone grasping his hand, saying his name, and then in the confusion he lost consciousness.

 

\----

 

Yachi was in the hospital ward, visiting, when Kageyama came to. The rim of her eyes were red. She thanked him sincerely, took his hand, and they sat in silence for a while.

"Hey, Tobio?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

Kageyama turned to her, curious. The confidence she found over the years weren't in her voice just now, and he wondered why.

"Go ahead."

"Um, I had a hunch… but I'm not sure," she stumbled over her words, "Tobio… do you–  _do you love Shouyou_?"

"Yes," he answered truthfully.

"Then why?"  _Why did you get us together all those years ago? Why didn't you say anything?_

"Because…" The answer came to him, and he realised that he knew it all along, "The love I have for him isn't the love he needs, and besides, I want to see both my best friends happy, not just one of them."

Yachi was crying now. He tried to wipe her tears away, but she told him  _not to move, he's still recovering_ , and asked, "But what about you?"

"As long as Hinata smiles, I'll be fine."

"Will you tell him?"

"Probably," Kageyama promised her he would think about it. He did not tell her that he had been thinking about it for the past fifteen years already.

Yachi sat there for some more time, sniffing, squeezing his hand, and when she had to leave Kageyama fell asleep again.

 

\----

 

The second time Kageyama woke up, he found Tsukishima in the dark room.

"Hey," he called out, watching how Tsukishima's eyes immediately snapped up and focused on him.

"Hey, king. Am I so irritating that you can't help but wake up?"

"Hardly," Kageyama snorted, "Why're you here?" He could tell it was long past visiting hours when he glanced at the window. It was night.

Tsukishima took a seat, "I'm waiting for Tadashi, he works here. Was bored, so I came to see how you were doing."

Something occurred to Kageyama, "How many days was I out?"

"I got the notice on Saturday, and it's Tuesday now, so four days."

Just then, the door opened and Yamaguchi entered. Upon seeing the two in a conversation, he hurried over, "Kageyama, how're you feeling?"

"Fine, I think."

"That's good," Yamaguchi commented, "We've managed to save both your legs, but you will need some time before you can move freely again, just to let you know."

Kageyama nodded.  _I can still coach the boys_ , he decided he'd try to get well as soon as he can.  _Second-year Takizawa needs to improve on his spikes before inter-high._

Tsukishima bid him goodbye and soon after that Kageyama realised he was drowsy, and let sleep claim him.

 

\----

 

Fate is cruel.

Kageyama's wound was infected, and the doctors could not do anything by the time they found out, as any further operation may very well do more harm than good.

There is one more week left for him to live.

 

\----

 

They are all present in the room– Yamaguchi, Tsukishima, Yachi and Hinata.

Oh,  _Hinata_ , the poor man looks defeated. Lifeless, even.

Kageyama talks, voice weaker than they've ever heard before.

"Yamaguchi, don't leave Tsukishima alone for too long, he'll self-destruct."

The young doctor nods, sniffing.

"Tsukishima, thanks for everything, even those terrible insults. I'm glad we could become friends."

"Yeah, stupid king, me too," said man scoffed, though his cheeks are wet with tears.

Kageyama holds Yachi's hand gently, stroking the back of her palm with his thumb, "Hitoka, I've said this to you before, but I'll be handing the dumbass over. Look after him, and make sure he doesn't miss me too much, okay?"

"Okay, I promise you," Yachi sobs, and the man gives her hand a small, reassuring squeeze.

"Good. You take care of yourself too, alright? And look after Kana for me, I'm sure she'll grow up to be a fine woman."

And then, at last, Kageyama turns to face Hinata, who simply gazes back at him helplessly, sorrow etched across his features.

"Shouyou," he says, and his heart aches at the sound of the name.

"Tobio," Hinata says back, and it looks like he will start crying soon.

"Hinata Shouyou, I've always loved you," Kageyama smiles, and this time the man really does cry, brokenly grasping his hand as though Kageyama would stay alive as long as he holds on, but that is not how the world works, and they both know it.

For the last time, Kageyama wants to see Hinata as he remembers, and his voice is soft when he speaks, "Smile for me, Shouyou, and hug me once more before I go."

He stares up at the crying face of his first love, his  _only_ love, the tears still falling like those raindrops outside his window, down from the sky in mourning, and Hinata chokes out, "Tobio, I love you so, so much, thank you for everything."

The ginger bends, gathers Kageyama in his arms, and Kageyama closes his eyes in this last embrace.

_It's warm._


End file.
